Across the Worlds
by Luna Imper
Summary: [AM] Oneshot written in, yes, second person. Aoshi contemplates his thoughts on Misao and what he must do some day.


Title: Across the Worlds  
  
"I don't remember what happened  
  
But when it did  
  
You and I were ruined  
  
Forever  
  
And I can't stop dreaming  
  
I can't stop seeing  
  
What I forgot so long ago  
  
This trance  
  
Has me under  
  
Where are you?"  
  
You walk out the door and see nothing. You see only the blankness of everyday life. You see what no one else is seeing. What they all think is reality is just a dream to them. You see what is real. You see the real blankness of world. And you grow scared and run back inside. You want to run to her arms, but are too scared to do so.  
  
So instead you stay the way you are. You act as though you never saw the blank world outside. Instead, you stay cold and emotionless and not frightened like you are. You stay the same. It is who you are, correct? She matters nothing to you. Of course not. Nothing means more than this reputation you have given yourself that others accept so willingly. Nothing means more, right? Especially not her.  
  
Still, you cannot help but think of the blankness you just saw. It was scary to see such in a world you once thought was real. It is so contradicting to what you thought. You just thought that it was a fling. Nothing more. But, you cannot think of her anymore. Other things to do. Besides, why should she want you? You are a dark person; you have nothing left. Your time is up. Her time is just beginning. Why let her never have it because of you?  
  
Meditation has been the cure for many things, true. Yet, this morning, the thoughts won't clear away and instead hold tight to the framework of your mind. You grow frustrated with yourself and find nothing to work. Nothing will leave. Your mind grows stressed under the weight of so much. The memories of the blankness will not leave your mind and you cannot think. It's just her. You don't know anything else. That blankness leaves every question you ever had unanswered and every question you never thought of in your head.  
  
Your memories are of course mean in that they can't help but smother you in doubt. You are not sure how you really think. Sure, sure. They say she loves you, but how can she? You are a monster and what was left of anything you once were is found on the outside, and all you are is a shell of life. Who would want a shell? Who would want you anyway? She is just being a silly little girl you say. It is just a fling you say. Nothing more. Nothing more.  
  
Of course it is nothing more. Why would it be more? She is so much better than that. She deserves better. Not you. No one is so low as you. You have nothing left that anyone could want. Including yourself. Why doesn't she just see that? Why does she still have this "fling" if you wanted to say that? It is nothing; you just have to repeat that to yourself. It is nothing.  
  
Blank is the world you want to live in. Instead you live with monsters and demons that she suppresses whenever she is around. You see that always and want to be with her constantly for she is the sun that withers all the devils of your life away. Who wouldn't want to live in the sun and stay with the light, happy and free? No, you were not destined for that life, and you know it, sadly. You know it is impossible for you to be together. You know you are forbidden. The gods above forbid it so long ago that no one mistakes it. Except she is oblivious to the gods. She lives in the other world, yet the others see how she loves you too. They wish the gods had not been so cruel in fate.  
  
Yet, what can you do? You can do nothing but wish and want. You just stand back and live with your need day in and day out. You catch glimpses of her radiance from time to time, but it is not enough. You want her near all day, all night, forever. That is never going to be possible though. She is different. You are different. You cannot cross the border out of your world. You cannot cross the line to the world you wish to go. To her world. Why can't you go to her world you ask yourself? To the place where her love is simple; she loves everything you are. It is just across the door you say. You just have to step out into it. You almost did today. But the blankness still scared you. You were too scared of what could happen if you did step out there. The demons might follow you. You might have your heart break even more. There are many others more deserving of her than you. They live in her world. They are innocent, just as she is. They have no blood stained hands to touch her with. They won't make her cry.  
  
You cower in your fright as you contemplate a way to step across that threshold into her world. You want to say 'I love you' and take her into your arms. But how can you do that when all you do is sit and wallow in fear of what might happen and be scared of the future? 


End file.
